


between offering & banquet

by kgeoi (0pia)



Series: twilight of the gods [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, As of Chapter 133, Canon Compliant, F/M, Flashbacks, Foreshadowing, POV Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss, References to Depression, References to Eren/Mikasa & Ymir/Historia, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Return to Shiganshina Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, War for Paradis Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27053215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0pia/pseuds/kgeoi
Summary: “You look happier,”“That’s because I am,” Eren says. He smiles, and Historia is momentarily caught off-guard.Eren/Historia + ‘hands.’ Written pre-134.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Eren Yeager
Series: twilight of the gods [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984468
Comments: 38
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set between Chapter 71 and 72 of the manga.

It isn’t until a month after their last conversation on the Reiss family farm that Historia can speak to Eren Jaeger again. 

After everything that has happened, her day-to-day life has been tumultuous, to say the least. Both Commander Pixis and Commander Erwin explained back in the capital that despite the formal recognition of her claim to the throne, it is still a dangerous time for her, with the last of the nobles who supported the previous King still at large. It was very possible that they had sent assassins after her in a last bid effort to reinstall the old world order.

A few paces behind, her escorting guard tries to be as discreet as possible as he scans the surroundings for possible threats. She supposes the illusion of privacy is better than nothing. 

Historia lets out a weary sigh. Potential assassins aren’t the only weight on her mind. As much progress as she has made with her and Captain Levi’s projects, public opinion still hinged on the success of the operation to take back Wall Maria. If things went badly, the repercussions for her, and the future of the Survey Corps, would be dire.

At least the landscape of the 104th Southern Division training grounds is unchanged from her memory. In the distance, she can hear the buzz of conversations between eager new recruits, punctuated by sharp whistle noises and drill commands. Watching from the outskirts, separated by barbed wire fences, Historia is alone, save for her ever-present escort. Or so she thought. 

“Historia!”

She turns around with a smile to see Eren jog towards her. Clearly, she has caught him in the middle of his daily exercise routine. His toned bare chest is heaving with exertion - he must have taken his shirt off to combat the heat of the day. 

“I didn’t know you were travelling south of Wall Sheena,” Eren says, and Historia realises her gaze has unconsciously ventured south. She quickly averts her eyes.

“Commander Erwin didn’t tell many people I was.” 

It was all a part of the Survey Corps’ strategy as they continue to consolidate power in the capital. Few within the military, let alone elsewhere, were informed of her travel plans. No doubt her enemies expect her to hole up behind Wall Sheena until the completion of the upcoming operation. Instead, she would be travelling between the towns and cities sympathetic to the Survey’s Corps cause and the capital. This way, Erwin had explained, she could continue to reinforce her support among the masses while also not staying in one place for too long. 

Historia also has another reason for coming south: “I was hoping I would see you all. I was told you were visiting Instructor Shadis?”

She has few memories of the Instructor, and none of them are exactly fond. 

“That’s right,” Eren answers. “I was hoping he would have some answers about the memories I saw.”

“Oh?” 

After her coronation, Eren had told her more about the strange memories he had seen when they touched in the crystal cavern. However, when they tried to replicate the visions again, nothing would trigger. Historia isn’t sure how the Instructor, of all people, could be related to the same scenes Eren witnessed back then.

Beside her, Eren settles on the rocky bank. They are below the treeline, almost out of sight save her escort, who politely remains out of earshot. Eren holds out a hand, casual.

Historia sits beside him. She takes his hand with her own and finally looks at him properly. Eren appears lively, but she remembers how he had looked that day; a bloodied god of death chained in a hall of ice. Like something out of her childhood book of myths. Yet it was also on that same day she realised that the saviour of the Walls was just a normal boy, one who felt as empty as she did. A boy so honest, it hurts sometimes. Today though, Eren doesn’t resemble a god or a normal boy. Something has happened to bring back Eren’s fire, stronger than ever. Historia is happy to see his pride returned, but she is also a little sad to see her kindred spirit leave her side. 

“... Nothing?” she asks after a few moments have passed.

“Nothing,” Eren confirms, disappointed. He sighs and looks up at the sky, but doesn’t let go of her hand yet. 

Historia watches a pair of birds fly overhead. It is hard to tell from the distance, but they may have been ravens. She wonders where they are flying to - a nest? better hunting grounds? She turns to Eren. “Did the Instructor give you the answers you wanted?” 

“Not exactly. He was the man my dad met after the Walls fell. They were friends, after the Instructor first found him outside the Walls,” Eren explains. “He was there that night. Instructor Shadis found me after…” he swallows. “After I ate my dad.”

Historia tries her best to sound gentle. “... If he knew your father, did he know your mother, too?”

“Yeah, he did. Mum said something to him, something important. She said that people don’t need to be special, or be recognised as special,” a trace of a smile appears on Eren’s face as he gazes out to their surroundings. “She said I don’t need to be great, or be better than everyone else. I was already great because I was born into this world.”

_Because he was born into this world?_

“Your mother sounds wonderful,” Historia says softly.

Eren’s eyes darken. She can tell he is thinking of her mother now, and her father, and his father. She wishes he wouldn’t. Some ghosts should stay dead. 

Historia continues. “I’m glad for you, Eren. Whatever happened that day in the cavern…” she trails off. It is difficult for her to speak of his despair. “... you look happier now.” 

“That’s because I am,” Eren says. He smiles, and Historia is momentarily caught off-guard by its appearance. “You helped, too.” 

“I didn’t do a thing,” 

Eren is insistent. “When the cavern was collapsing all around us, I believed I could save everyone because of you.”

Historia thinks back to that time. 

_"I may be humanity's enemy, but I'm your **friend** , Eren."_

_"... When I see someone crying, saying no one needs them, I want to tell them... it's not true."_

_"So you just want to wait here and hold hands until we either get crushed or burnt to death?! Because we're enemies of humanity?"_

She looks back at the boy opposite her. “That was all you, Eren,” All she had told him then was what she wanted to hear for herself. She didn't know her words had touched Eren so deeply. 

“You’re the one who went against the will of their father. _You_ tore off those chains... you’re the enemy of humanity.” Eren’s eyes are intense, his voice becoming strange. She has to look away. 

“I-I told you before, I was just emotional!” Historia stumbles over her words. This time, she wishes Mikasa would appear and interrupt them. Part of her doesn’t feel ready to hear what Eren might say next. And yet, another part of her… 

“Why are you looking around like that?” Eren asks, curious. 

The strange mood has vanished. Historia releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I was wondering where Mikasa and Armin were,” she thinks that Mikasa especially would be inseparable from Eren’s side after the abduction. 

“With the others, probably,” he answers. “They were walking around the training grounds for old time’s sake.”

“... I see,” Historia wonders why Eren isn’t with them. Had he wanted time alone?

“It’s getting late,” Eren says. 

He is right. Somehow without Historia noticing, the sun has begun to set below the horizon. The training grounds are now awash with a soft amber glow. In the distance, the recruits finish up the last of their drills before dinner. 

Eren helps her to her feet as he stands and Historia realises they had never let go of each other’s hands until now. “The captain is having a strategy meeting at sundown - are you coming?”

There wouldn’t be much point to her attending; her last mission as a member of the Survey Corps ended the moment she killed Rod Reiss above Orvud District. When it comes to strategic insight, she is no Armin. And yet, Historia realises that she _wants_ to be there. She wants to know what could happen in Shiganshina while she waits behind the safety of the Walls. 

“Of course,” she says.

As the two of them walk towards the barracks, they fall into a comfortable silence. Eren is the first to break it. 

“Thank you, Historia,” he says, quiet yet sincere.

Historia smiles. “You’re welcome.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Chapter 72 of the manga.  
> Edit 27/10/20: added content + fixed some lines.

Not long after Historia encounters Eren at the training grounds, she leaves for Trost District. 

In a surprisingly short amount of time, the city has more or less settled into normalcy after the Battle of Trost. She is informed that the Reeves Company is thriving, in no small part thanks to its partnership with the Survey Corps. The newspapers, too, are enjoying an unprecedented rise in sales due to increased freedoms of reporting. Already, there are calls to remove the ‘unsightly’ boulder from Wall Rose once all the Walls are sealed and the remaining Titans between them exterminated.

Is it too early to be hopeful about the future? Historia wonders. She is alone in her quarters above the government building, overlooking the business quarter of the city. From her window, she watches the citizens of Trost go about their daily lives. Even from above, Historia can sense their anticipation. It is less than a week now until the operation to retake Wall Maria - Erwin, Levi and Hange were attending the final strategy meeting tomorrow without her. But even they didn’t know for sure what would take place in Shiganshina. No one did.

A polite knock on the door interrupts her thoughts. 

“Come in,” Historia calls. 

“Eren Jaeger, your majesty,” her guard announces.

Historia beams as the young man walks into the room. “Eren!”

Eren meets her smile with his own. He looks tired, no doubt exhausted from the last of his hardening experiments before the operation. 

"I have a delivery from the Commander,” he announces. Their fingers brush as he hands her a large stack of paperwork. There is no vision. 

Historia makes a face as she precariously balances the large stack of paperwork on the edge of her writing desk. “Does he seriously expect me to get this all done tonight?”

“You seem busy,” Eren observes.

She sighs. “The Commander is making a lot of promises that we will succeed at Shiganshina,” Historia stares down at the mountain of paperwork before her - and those were just the documents that require her signature. She pities Erwin’s aides immensely. 

“We will win,” Eren says firmly. “With everyone’s help, we can’t lose.” 

“I believe you.” It’s hard not to. 

Just then, they are interrupted by another knock on the door.

“Come in,” Historia repeats. The guard at her door enters once again, this time holding a collection of vintage wine bottles.

“A gift from the Reeves Company,” he announces. “Flegel Reeves sends his thanks for the work you’re doing for Trost District.”

Historia is pleasantly surprised by the gesture. “I see… please, send him my regards.”

The guard retreats from the room, leaving the wine behind him. 

“Would you like a glass?” Historia offers. 

Eren shrugs. “Sure.”

Historia examines the elegantly labelled bottles with curiosity. The Survey Corps often served beer to its cadets, but rarely wine. From what she has heard, the higher ups usually snatched up any bottle before it could trickle down to the rest of them. 

There was also a vineyard near the farm when she was growing up that made specialty wines for the aristocracy. Historia remembers the apple trees growing near the fence line, but she had never been allowed to eat the fruit, let alone drink the wine. She turns to Eren. “Have you drunk this before?”

“My dad always brought a cask back for my mum when he traveled out of town,” Eren answers. “Mum worked as a barmaid, so she had pretty high standards. Sometimes, she would let Mikasa and I have some with dinner,” he wrinkles his nose. “I never really liked the taste.”

Historia tries a sip and agrees with Eren’s judgement. “It would be a shame to let this go to waste, though,” perhaps she would acquire a taste for it if she drank more.

* * *

“Are you coming tomorrow night?” Eren asks, a little later on. Outside, the sun is setting over Trost District. “The Captain said there would be a feast.”

Historia shakes her head. “I should be returning to the capital. There’s a lot I need to attend to,” the farm, the controversial tax policies, the endless political scandals... the list went on. 

“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” Eren says. He seems disappointed. “It’ll be fun. We all need to let off some steam after everything that’s happened.”

“I really do need to get back. And…” she hesitates for a few seconds. "It wouldn't be fun for me." 

"Why not? I thought you wanted to see everyone again, back at the training grounds." 

That was different. “Even after everything, it's hard not to be Krista around everyone else. I don’t want that anymore.” 

“I think they want to know Historia, not Krista,” Eren insists.

Perhaps she has already drunk too much wine, or perhaps it is because she has already laid her soul bare to Eren before. The words come pouring out. “ _You’re_ the only one who didn’t like Krista,” and maybe a part of her still smarts over what Eren said back then. “Everyone else liked Krista at parties. They all thought it was so funny that time Ymir tried to get her drunk! I bet Jean and Armin thought she was cute when she couldn’t even walk straight! And I know Reiner loved being the hero who carried her back to the barracks - a real knight in shining armour!” Historia’s voice breaks, and she realises she is almost shouting. She hangs her head, suddenly feeling exhausted. “But the whole time, I didn’t even want to be there, and no one really wanted _me_ there either… they still don’t.” 

Eren eyes her silently and Historia pauses. Here she was, stewing over old, petty grievances. While just opposite her, Eren steels himself to face Reiner and Bertholdt in the ruins of his hometown. She hasn't changed at all.

She wonders if Eren is disgusted with her. 

“I want you to be there,” Eren declares hotly. Historia wonders if he notices her slight flush, as he suddenly averts his eyes. She remembers that Eren liked her absurd honesty back then, if nothing else. 

In the lamplight, he looks more handsome than ever. Historia tries to banish the idle thought from her mind. 

A beat later, Eren continues. “Sasha would want you there, too, you know. You two were close, weren’t you? You two, and Ymir.” He hesitates, as if uncertain of whether to continue talking. Historia is surprised. It is rare of Eren to be so sensitive to the feelings of others.

“... I’d still probably just sit by myself all night.” Sasha would be quickly distracted by the contents of the dining table, not to mention whatever hijinks Connie and Jean were involved in that night. In the end, no matter how many people were there, without Ymir at her side Historia would be alone. 

“I’d sit with you, if you want.”

But Eren is never long without his twin shadows. Even if he truly considered her a friend and ally the same way she did him, she couldn’t compare to the company of his childhood friends. 

Besides; “I still don’t like parties.”

Eren huffs, and Historia wonders if he has finally grown sick of her attitude. “You know you’ll have to attend a thousand stuffy banquets as Queen, right?”

“I know.” Krista Lenz, Queen Historia. Twice now she has played roles for the sake of other people. In both cases, she didn't exactly have a choice in the matter. But could she really fault her friends in the Survey Corps for not seeing her mask for what it was? Sometimes, even Historia doesn't know where 'Krista Lenz' ends and 'Historia' begins. 

After a few moments, Eren finally speaks. “... I guess we can be pretty obnoxious sometimes.”

Historia looks up from her lap. “Huh?”

“I said Jean can be pretty obnoxious sometimes. So, I understand why you don't want to be there,” Eren says, scratching the back of his head and looking away from her. 

Historia suddenly feels warm. “Well, Jean is kind, especially when you talk to him on his own. Maybe Krista was unfair to him... and his friends, too.” 

Outside, night has fallen over Trost District. The waning crescent moon spills silver light over the near-empty cobblestone streets. In the absence of daylight, Trost is a different city entirely. The conversation soon changes subject, and the tension begins to fade along with her melancholy mood. To Historia's surprise, she finds herself giggling over Eren’s many tales of his childhood escapades in Shiganshina. Eren, too, seems happier recalling those halcyon days. Historia watches him for a long time, content just to listen.

* * *

“I want to know something, H-Hisu-Historia,” Eren slurs, a couple of hours later. In that time, he has imbibed a truly impressive amount of wine. However, it appears that his Titan restorative powers didn't apply to alcohol. 

Historia looks up at him, her eyes feeling heavy. She has drunk about half as much as Eren has, but she feels just as woozy as he looks. “Huh…? What’s that?”

“How you ranked 10th in the Training Corps.” 

“Does that really matter anymore?” Historia says, flustered. Not everyone could be top of the rankings like Mikasa, after all. 

“I guess not,” Eren returns to his glass like he had never said anything.

She is still a little embarrassed, though. “I had Ymir’s help towards the end,” Historia explains. “She always gave me a portion of her breakfast before the daily drills, and she carried my pack for me when I became tired. I think she even started sabotaging the other Cadets I was competing against.” Fondness has crept into her tone, unintended. 

Eren is unimpressed. “So it was Ymir’s fault that Armin’s combat boots went missing three different times?”

“Probably…” Historia can’t help but chuckle darkly. “All that work she did to get me into the Military Police, and I threw it all away to join the Survey Corps." 

"So why did you join the Survey Corps, then?" 

Because she wanted to die a martyr's death, back then. Or so she thought - maybe a part of her was also inspired by Eren's rallying words to the cadets back then. Historia holds her tongue for now. "... Who knows? But, I wonder what she would think of me being Queen now, wherever she is.” Would Ymir be waiting in Shiganshina for her? Or did she die fighting the Titans with Reiner and Bertholdt? Something about Ymir’s voice that day told Historia it was their last goodbye. She just doesn’t want to believe it yet. 

“She would be happy you were safer now,” Eren says.

Historia falls silent. Once again, she thinks back to that night, when the remains of the Survey Corps had staggered back to Wall Rose following their narrow victory. 

_“Even after we were taken by Reiner and Bertholdt… Ymir was worried about you. It seemed like all she could think about was you, and how you’d survive this…”_

_“... but, there’s one thing I don’t get. In the end, she went with them of her own free will, right?”_

Back in the present, Eren continues, “The night we returned to Wall Rose, you were really... upset,” he hesitates again. “You said you’d never forgive her.” 

“Did I say that…? Well... I don’t know,” she remembers how inconsolable she was that night. “Maybe there really was a good reason why Ymir left, but…”

“I’ve been thinking back to that day a lot, trying to figure out how I controlled those Titans,” Eren says. His face becomes dark - the memories of that day are painful for him, too. “Ymir didn’t go to help Reiner and Bertholdt until I was able to use that power, right? I think it was because she trusted me with the future of the Walls. With your future.”

Was that it, then? Historia wonders if she will ever know the truth. Does it even really matter now? It is as she had told Eren back before they were kidnapped; Ymir had chosen her own path. She didn't need Historia to interfere. 

“She really did care about you, you know…” Eren says, half to himself. 

Historia wipes away the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Here she was thinking that her old wound would have healed by now. She takes a few seconds before she can speak again. “But, she still chose them over me. It’s… always going to be like that, isn’t it?” 

The last thing she remembers is Eren watching her with an unreadable expression. Whatever he says to her then is lost to the depths of her memory.

* * *

The next day Historia awakes with a splitting headache, with the gentle rays of afternoon sun streaming onto her face. When she finally comes to her senses, Historia realises she has slept in all morning, and that she is alone - Eren must have left hours ago. He had, however, at least taken the time to both put her to bed and tidy up the mess of bottles from the night before.

For a moment, Historia smiles before she resigns herself to the stack of papers waiting on her desk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Chapter 90 of the manga.

The others had dutifully kissed the same hand before him, and would do so after him. It is all a part of the ceremony honoring the precious few who returned from Shiganshina alive, nothing more. She is careful to maintain a neutral expression as she places the medal around Eren’s neck. 

Something leaps in Historia’s chest when he gently touches her hand. But she can’t focus on the warm brush of his lips against her skin, not when she sees Eren’s face. _Horrified_ doesn’t even begin to cover it. It is as if Eren has seen nothing less than the end of the world. It isn’t until towards the end of the ceremony that Historia remembers the memories that sparked between them when they touched. This time, she has not received a vision. But Eren clearly has. 

The others don’t seem to have noticed anything off besides a slight hesitation on Eren’s end. Whatever he saw in that moment, he hides it well. Historia intends to confront him as soon as the ceremony ends, but she is waylaid by aristocrats and officials before she can even blink. By the time she can shake them off, Eren has disappeared.

She doesn’t see him again for another two weeks.

* * *

To her relief, the remaining members of the Survey Corps still linger in Trost District after the ceremony. There is still much to be discussed about what they found in Grisha Jaeger’s basement, after all. Historia wonders if she isn’t the only one beginning to suspect that Eren knows more than he is letting on. 

She soon finds him in the hallways of the government building, alone. 

“Eren!”

The young man barely reacts to her voice. When he does face her, Historia feels another wave of concern. She has never seen Eren so shaken before. 

“Eren, _what’s going on_?” Has he been avoiding her these past two weeks? 

Eren stares at her desperately before replying, “I... need time to think.” 

“You look like you’ve been thinking all night,” Historia says quietly. “Have you slept at all since the award ceremony?” You can tell me what you saw, she thinks. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.

“I was… at my father’s side. That man, the Beast Titan, he was there, too… I don’t know...” Eren is muttering half to himself. Historia doesn’t understand - what does Eren’s father have to do with the Beast Titan? 

“Eren?” 

He jerks, as if he had forgotten she was there in the space of a few seconds. Eren shuts his eyes tight, face screwed up in a pained grimace. “Just ... can you talk about something else, please?” 

Historia doesn’t understand. But for now, she pushes down her worry. “Would you like tea in my quarters?” There is a crowd beginning to gather nearby, all eager to meet the hero of Shiganshina. Historia doubts he wants to deal with that, now of all times. 

Eren nods. Historia speaks loudly as they make their way through various hallways. 

“... There’s going to be a memorial for the soldiers who fought at Wall Maria. They will receive full military honours, and their families will receive the highest amount of compensation…” 

“... They’re preparing a state funeral for Commander Erwin at the grand cathedral in Mitras. Captain Levi will be a casket bearer…”

“... The Commander in Chief keeps talking about upgrading his ‘invention’. I don’t really want to know what that means…” 

Historia cringes. Could she think of nothing happy to talk about? "You know, Commander Pixis has been teaching me to play chess in our spare time. I caught on that he was just letting me win at first, but I’m slowly getting better. Do you know how to play, Eren?” 

Eren takes a while to respond. “My dad taught me. We had a board at home, made from different types of wood. It was one of his most prized possessions,” his gaze falls to the ground. “But I lost it. I should have gotten it when I had the chance, but I didn’t. It’s gone.”

“You can go back now,” Historia says. “Nothing is gone forever.”

Eren looks back at her, haunted. 

_What did you see, Eren?_

“In the meantime, we can still play with the board in my room,” Historia tries to smile. “You better not underestimate me!” 

Eren’s voice is quiet. “I won’t.” 

The rest of the walk back to her quarters is short, but it feels to Historia like it lasts a lifetime. Eren doesn’t say another word the entire time. 

“You like your tea black, right?” Historia asks when they arrive.

“Yes.” When Historia hands him his cup, Eren nestles it between his hands. He stares blankly at the steam rising from its contents.

As Historia hunts for the chess-set among her possessions, she notices Ymir's last letter on her desk. Now wasn't the time to speak of that, however. “You’ll be setting out soon on another expedition,” she says, not facing Eren. “You and Armin will see what is beyond the Walls... maybe you'll see the ocean.”

“Yeah.”

“... You don’t sound excited like the others.”

He stays silent and it occurs to Historia then that she doesn’t really know Eren as well as she thought. She smiles sadly to herself. “At least you’ll have the freedom to find out.” 

Eren laughs at that, bitter.

“Eren?” Historia does not understand his reaction. 

“It’s nothing. You’re right, though. I need to see what is waiting beyond the Walls with my own eyes.” 

“You’ll have to tell me what it’s like,” she says, a little wistful despite herself. 

“You’re not coming with us?” Eren asks. 

Historia shakes her head. “No. The assembly wouldn’t allow it. I understand their concerns, but…” Had she had known her missions were numbered, perhaps she would have trained harder as a cadet. There is something freeing about the ODM gear that she will likely never experience again. She almost feels like she is a bird who has had its wings clipped before it could truly fly. 

“Can’t you overrule them as Queen?” 

She shakes her head. “Despite our victory, the situation in the capital is unstable after the Survey Corps lost almost all of their forces at Shiganshina. The monarchy and the Corps have to present a united front. I think I made my last true decision when I chose to fight my father.” Now, more than ever, she feels like the Survey Corps’ pawn, rather than their Queen. Historia sighs to herself. It is useless to think of such thoughts, especially now. They all have their roles to play, and this is the one she had chosen. This is her story, isn't it? 

“... Historia? Could you forgive my father for what he did to your family? To your sister?”

* * *

Historia looks back in shock. The question had come out of nowhere. Eren stares at her, desperate. 

“What…? I don’t understand why you’re asking me that.” Grisha Jaeger is long dead.

His voice is torn. “Please, just answer.” 

Historia tried to think rationally in the face of Eren’s raw emotionality. “... I couldn’t.” 

Eren stares down at his knees. 

“Even though he’s your father, he took away my sister, Eren.” 

It isn’t that Grisha killed children, or even that he killed the other members of her family. Though the thought of it still horrifies and sickens her, Historia never knew those other children. For all she knew, they were among the bullies who threw rocks at her on the farm. No - Historia could accept that Grisha did what had to be done to them. She didn’t hate Eren’s father for killing Urklyn, Dirk, Abel and Florian, or her father’s wife. They are only names on a page to her - people she never knew. It is Frieda. Frieda, the one who had saved her from her own loneliness as a child. When it comes to her sister, Historia can’t accept Grisha’s actions, because of the kindness Frieda had shown to _her_. That is just the selfish kind of person she is.

Historia tries again. “Did you see something else about what happened that day?” 

“... No.” 

She frowns. “I already told you back then. Even if I can’t forgive him personally - his actions to take the Founding Titan were completely justified. I understand that.” 

“...”

Historia doesn’t know what else to say. “I don’t blame you for your father’s sins.” 

“You should,” so quietly she wonders if he intended for her to hear him at all.

* * *

Eren sits on the edge of the bed as she continues to rummage among her possessions. Historia continues to mull over Eren’s words in her head. He must be tired - is the conclusion she eventually reaches. When he is ready, Eren will tell her what vision he had seen, and what is tormenting him. She just has to be patient and wait.

Historia realises the conversation she intended to be lighthearted has turned dark. She changes the subject once again. “I heard from Sasha that Jean’s been spending a lot of time in the kitchens. Apparently, he found out that Mikasa wasn’t eating well in the cells. Connie has been teasing him about it all morning.” 

“Huh? Why would Connie tease Jean about that?” 

Historia pauses. “Jean likes Mikasa a lot, Eren.” 

“That makes... a lot of a sense,” Eren says. His voice sounds muffled. 

Historia is a little despairing that he hadn’t noticed after literal years. “It’s rather sweet, don’t you think?” 

Eren doesn’t answer and Historia wonders if she had been too curious. 

“... Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Historia looks back over her shoulder when Eren doesn’t respond again. She finds him slumped against her bed fast asleep, with his face pressed into her pillow. Historia watches him for a moment. Asleep, the crease between Eren’s eyes has finally disappeared. 

“Sleep well, Eren,” Historia says quietly, before turning back to the paperwork on her desk. 

There is still much to be done, and far to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the flashbacks of Chapter 107, and beyond.

_“I will agree to inherit the Beast Titan, so long as the Rumbling is necessary to our continued existence.”_

After the summit closes, Historia excuses herself onto the balcony. 

She knows she doesn’t have long - there is still much to be discussed with Kiyomi about the relationship between Eldia and Hizuru moving forward. More specifically, what resources the island could offer the Azumabito Clan in return for at least fifty years of progress and protection for Eldia. Fifty years of progress and protection that hinged on Historia giving up her own life to her children, who were doomed to suffer the same fate.

She won't cry, is what she tells herself. Yet Historia can’t do anything to stop the tears streaming down her face. No matter what, she knows cannot cry in front of the other members of the assembly. This is what the Survey Corps deserved for crowning a weak-willed girl like her, she thinks.

“Historia...”

She knows it is Eren before she even turns around. 

“I meant it,” Eren says, low. There is a cold, unfamiliar rage in his voice. “I will absolutely not support Zeke Jaeger’s plan - you don’t have to go through with this.”

Historia looks away from him. “... It’s like you said, we still have time to consider our remaining options.” She can’t help her hands from trembling. What other options exist? 

Eren’s jaw sets in a hard line. She thinks back to that time in the crystal cavern. 

_“That’s it! I’ve had enough! I won’t let you kill me any longer!”_

But this is not the same. This time, she is not blinded by her desperate desire for her father’s approval. This is her duty as Queen - to consume the Beast Titan and die in thirteen years time. To bear children cursed with the same fate, who would one day eat her, too. There is no other way. So why can’t she stop crying? 

When Eren reaches out to her, the dam walls break, and she collapses into his chest. For a moment, Historia wonders if her touch triggers another memory in him, before his arms wrap around her. 

For a few moments, they stand there, silent in an embrace.

It is enough for her.

* * *

Not long after the summit, Historia returns to the farm. 

She suspects that many of the assembly, Commander Nile of the Military Police in particular, pity her circumstances. The others were uneasy that she has yet to commit to eating Zeke Jaeger, but they too allowed her to leave with little to no complaint. It is only a matter of time, after all, before Zeke arrives on the island. 

Regardless, the farm is a welcome reprieve to the suffocating atmosphere of the capital. The children, as always, are happy to see her, even though her return heralds more chores and hard work.

As Historia walks around the farm’s perimeter one afternoon, she notices how barren her surroundings appear. The fields have suffered three harsh winters in a row, with nary a summer between them. She hopes this year’s harvest will survive the frost, but she doubts it. One of the volunteer farmers, a man who bears a slight resemblance to Jean, has been anxious over the failing crops. He saw it as a bad omen for the future. Historia did not miss the way his worried gaze lingered on her when he had spoken his feelings on the matter.

When she arrives at the part of the fence bordering the old vineyard, she is surprised to see the lone apple tree from her childhood still standing. Its roots must have been deeper than she thought to have not been damaged by the frost. One gnarled branch reaches over the fence line, bearing a single fruit. Historia plucks the remaining apple and adds it to her wicker basket before going on her way. 

In the distance, she hears a plaintive howl. It makes her pause. Even though humanity supposedly drove wolves out of Wall Sheena decades ago, she still hears them howling at night, somewhere in the hills. Another omen, perhaps. Historia walks to the furthest edge of the farm, to the place where she had always met with Frieda, long ago. So long ago, it felt like a different life entirely. To her surprise, she finds Eren waiting for her beyond the fence line. 

Eren looks different now, but she can still recognise the boy she knew in the man standing before her in a black cloak. Since she last saw him, he has grown even taller. His hair is longer, shaggier; it suits him well. In his hands, he carries a lamp, faintly glowing in the light of day. She wonders how far he has traveled to meet her here on this farm. Once again, Historia realises she has been looking for far too long.

_“What? You tried to cross the fence?”_

_“... You know you shouldn’t do that. You can’t cross the fence…”_

_“DIDN’T I TELL YOU… NOT TO CROSS THE FENCE?!” Frieda screams down at her._

She doesn’t know why she remembers that particular memory, now of all times. 

“It’s good to see you, Eren,” Historia finally speaks. 

Eren is abrupt. “How long now?”

“... The assembly is still waiting on my response. They won’t wait much longer.” In her heart, she knows her time is almost up. The military police brigade was already calling for Zeke to return to Paradis. She looks at Eren with concern. “How are you, Eren?” Her duties, both at the capital and on the farm, have kept her too busy to keep track of her friends’ whereabouts, let alone stay in close contact. The last she heard, Eren had been busy constructing the railway line with the other members of the 104th Division. But for some reason, Historia can’t help but feel like she is still missing something important.

Eren doesn’t answer her question. For the first time, he almost feels like a stranger to her. “... It’s nice being here,” he says instead. He looks past her, towards the barn house, then back to her. His hard gaze softens ever so slightly.

“Would you like to come inside?” Historia offers. It is almost time for dinner. 

Eren shakes his head. “Not today,” his gaze strays back to the barn house. “You have a lot of people helping you here.”

She wonders how long Eren has been waiting at the edge of the farm, watching her and the children. It’s a little unnerving. 

“Who is that man, the tall farmer?” 

“He’s no one,” Historia answers automatically. She looks to the distant hills. “He used to throw rocks at me when he was young. I think he feels bad about it now, so he is helping out on the farm.” 

“I see.” They fall into silence. 

They are still separated by the wooden fence when Eren asks, “What would you think about having a child? If it was by your own choice?” 

Once again, Historia is thrown by the unexpected question. “I... ” She isn't sure, at first. It wasn’t too long ago that she was hoping to end her own life, after all. To have a family of her own, after what her own parents did, Historia isn’t certain she would ever want that. And yet, isn’t she already a mother in a way? The former orphans of the underground look up to her like one. She feeds them, protects them, watches them grow up…To have children of her own, would that truly be so terrible? "I think... under other circumstances, I would, one day." It is useless to think about when that future has already been taken from her. Now, she will never have the freedom to choose either way. Historia has to remind herself that this is for the sake of everyone around her. She has to fulfill her duty. She has to. 

Historia swallows around the painful lump in her throat. “What about you, Eren?” 

“Someone once told my dad that he needed something worth fighting for,” Eren looks out past the fields. “A family within the Walls.” 

“Fighting for your friends isn’t enough?” 

“Friends. Family. The people on the street. They're all worth fighting for.”

“But a family is still something special.” Historia thinks of Frieda, of the moments of peace they had shared together on this very farm. Those memories, few and far between, are precious to her. 

A shadow passes over Eren’s face, as if he knew the direction of her thoughts. Historia wonders if Grisha’s actions still continue to haunt him. She recalls how desolate Eren was after he kissed her hand at the ceremony. He never did tell her what he saw that day. 

But... was it guilt she saw, just now? Historia isn’t so sure anymore. Once again, she gets the feeling she is missing something important. 

“... You’re right,” Eren says. She snaps back to their conversation. “But, I want a legacy, too.” 

“Eren…” Historia remembers that she isn’t the only one whose days are numbered. Eren has even less time than she does. What was it now? Six years? Five? “I think you would be an amazing father. I mean that.” 

Her praise brings the faintest smile to Eren’s face. 

“But, who would you want to have a family with? ... With Mikasa?” she asks. When Eren stays silent, she dares further. “Or... someone else?”

What am I to you, Eren? Historia wants to ask. 

“I don’t know,” more than lost, Eren looks incredibly sad. 

_What are you not telling me?_

She can't ask, not yet. Historia holds her tongue and looks back to the farmhouse. The children were waiting for dinner. “... It’s getting late.” 

Overhead, the setting sun blazes red over the grassy fields, marking the end of the day. Another day closer to the fate that inevitably awaits her and Eren. 

“Historia,” Eren reaches a hand out over the threshold of the fence. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from 'Archaeology' by Myriam Fraga.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments! I couldn't have had the confidence to post and finish this without you all. You guys are the best.
> 
> There will be a sequel if you are still interested. I want to keep things /mostly/ canon-compliant, so it likely won't be finished until after Isayama delivers another EH chapter. The sequel will deal with Hisu's pregnancy (and who I suspect to be the father), so expect the rating to go up. 
> 
> Thanks as always for reading!


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